If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize