No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
