So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
