Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
