they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
