well I can't set my house on fire every night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
