I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
