did you get engaged???
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
