like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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