Your dad touched me again.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
