There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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