you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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