D3 body, D1 cock
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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