dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
