Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
