May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
