but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
