Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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