the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
