hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
