It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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