thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
