Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
