I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
