Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
