Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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