Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
