the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
