U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm at about main and main street
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
