my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
