Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
