Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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