omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
