it's too hot outside to masturbate.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I FOUND THE LEGS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize