The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
