it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize