I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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