so that wasnt chicken after all
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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