i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
