Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
