yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
