There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
