i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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