Just fell off a train. Bad.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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