Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
