I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
