Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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