Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
