god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize