Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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