i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
