Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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