he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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