That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize