Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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