Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ok first of all what the fuck
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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