The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize