Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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