the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
