Its about making memories worth repressing
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
