I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
