I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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