u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize