I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
