About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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