When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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