I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
