Got a toothbrush?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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