So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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