It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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