I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
