I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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