I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
