I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
