Moan for me like Helen Keller
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Still dying that you shit outside
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
