I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
