i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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