Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
