So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
