I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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