i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
