perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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