it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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