I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize