I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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