whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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