i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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