u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize