I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
