if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
