It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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