dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
