new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
