Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
