Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
