I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
