i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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